SC Gub'nor to End Child Passenger Laws

Columbia (Iwitlessnews) The Right Honorable Henry Dargan McMaster, Gub'nor of South of Carolina, this morning urged the Republican legislative majorities to rescind all laws regulating safety seats and child passengers.

"Parents know best. Not much difference between 19 pounds and 21 pounds, and the children can't see as much of our beautiful Palmetto state riding backwards," the Right Honorable Gub'nor McMaster said. 

"In fact," the Right Honorable Gub'nor McMaster continued, "the whole seatbelt situation is an affront to personal liberty. We might roll those laws backward (sic) on that front as well."

"I have very fond memories as a boy--maybe 5 or 6--of riding up front with my Daddy McMaster, leaning my arms on the dash, so I could see more of our beautiful Palmetto state," said the Right Honorable Gub'nor McMaster. 

"My Daddy and my Momma knew what was best for me. Didn't hurt me a lick neither. So I'm asking the legislature to move on this onerous usurpation of personal liberties here in our beautiful Palmetto state.

"Also, we have been losing too much by way of fees to South Carolina's boys and girls driving up to Buncombe County (NC) to get married. Therefore, I'm asking for a lowering of the legal consent for marriage to be dropped to 13 in our beautiful Palmetto state.

"Furthermore, we don't want to forget our friends in business and industry who give us jobs so we can live in such a beautiful state. So I'm asking our minimum age for full-time employees also be dropped to 13 so those fine married couples can provide for their families," said the Right Honorable Gub'nor McMaster.

The Right Honorable Gub'nor McMaster added as he left the podium that "Yes, we are considering Open Carry in all public schools this year.  Enjoy the rest of your day in our beautiful Palmetto state."

After the news conference The SC Highway Patrol, the SC Sheriffs' Association, the SC Police Chief Association, the SC PTA, the SC School Board Association, the SC Pediatric Alliance, the SC Medical Board of Examiners, and the SC EMS Association issued a joint statement urging the Right Honorable Gub'nor Henry Dargan McMaster to withdraw his proposals.