Monday, June 29, 2020

Johanne (F)


What I can tell you is I moved back in with my brother and sister-in-law to cut expenses while I finished my graduate degree at the city university. Each college was housed in separate buildings, and each building was built around an open square enclosing benches and live oaks and crape myrtles, and magnolias that towered to the upper reaches of the second story. 

That day I sat on one of the benches in the square of the liberal arts building, idly thumbing through the textbook for my Into to Romanticism course, hoping to find a poem easily translated into Spanish for Doctor Munoz, who insisted on such exercises to strengthen both of our word-brains as he called them.

Anissa, who as it turns out was there on a cultural exchange from Perpignan, sat down at the other end of the bench and stacked her books between us.  My first glance took in her red espadrilles. What her first glance assessed, I cannot say, but when we did make eye contact, her smile was slight and her eyes were green and her hair pulled back into a loose ponytail that stuck out more to the side than behind her head. I placed my thumb at Keats’ ”When I have fears that I may cease to be” and asked for her name.

The following week we met at the oyster bar just beyond the university’s main gate, and she insisted in mostly sure English that I should—I must—read Triestes Tropiques. Tuesdays at The Deck oysters on the half shell and beer in small plastic cups were a nickel apiece. I had two dollars.

If we were not in love, we at least yearned in a way that obliged us to hold hands when walking across the parade ground, or to sit with our knees touching when on barstools, or hug each other from behind when the other was seated and concentrated on the text open on the desk. And when the lights were turned off and the stars were out, we would allow ourselves to forget all of our words.

Together by plane at the end of the spring semester we travelled to Montreal so that Anissa could visit the library at College Jean-de-Brebeuf because a Professor Hansen maintained several rare monographs on the Piraha tribe. The pregnancy she announced to me with tears in her eyes.

We were sharing a large bowl of steamed mussels, but she kept pushing them back to my side of our little sidewalk table. Her green eyes filled with tears. “I don’t understand” is the phrase that I chose to repeat. “I must go home” was her answer each and every time.

Now I stand, shifting my weight, in the lobby of a hotel on Wentworth Street, waiting for my daughter who is in the city with the Ministere de l’Education Nationale to finish meeting with local officials. Ladson 2014
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